Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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