the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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