Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
