I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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