when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
