Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
