you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
