He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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