why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize