Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
