my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
