I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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