Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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