Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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