I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
