either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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