this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
