He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
