I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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