my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
