Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
