OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
