Apparently you make a good broom.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
