I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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