I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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