If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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