oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize