Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's paint friendship bongs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize