im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
