so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
