i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
