A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
