Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
