his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
