Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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