I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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