I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
