you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
