Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
