Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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