I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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