So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
