If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
