There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
