two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
