is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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