I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
