Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
