just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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