There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
