So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
