Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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