I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
