Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
