So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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