His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
