i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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