You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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