I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize