You can't motorboat a personality
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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