i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize