I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
