Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
