Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
