Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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