The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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