strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
