She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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