I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
