and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
