I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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