You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
