you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
