I cockslap morals
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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