dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize