I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
