I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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