I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
