Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
