chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
