she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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